June Public Service Announcements From the Universe
I come to you today making public service announcements for the month of June. Please take heed. The health and well-being of yourself and your fellow citizens depend upon your actions regarding these matters. Additionally, should you choose not to heed these announcements, you are making mortal enemies at worst. At best, someone wants to smack you upside your head.
1. Use Your Turn Signal.
Remember when you were learning how to drive? Remember your parent freaking out in the passenger seat? There were reasons. One of them was your turn signal, and apparently a decade later, you still are not adept in its use. Unfortunately, the human race has not mastered telepathy. If you don’t give your fellow drivers a heads up about your turn, there is no way they can possibly know you are slowing down. Even if you don’t cause an accident, you may have caused them to swear in front of children and definitely incited heart palpitations.
2. Being “the Man” Needs No Broadcast.
Gentlemen, know that if you are continually telling others that you are “the man” or asking a lady to tell everybody you are “the man” you aren’t “the man” yet. Being “the man” requires that you act responsibly, decisively, ethically, and with integrity. This has nothing to do with telling anyone anything. But keep working. You have an admirable goal, so I still have hope you will make it one day. Just shut up about it.
3. Stop Celebrating Stupidity.
Seriously. You are only encouraging it when you do, and the world has it in spades. The earth can’t bear any more. Ignorance and stupidity shouldn’t be notable, and it definitely shouldn’t have a TV show. Comedy is one thing. Watching others make stupid decisions and yell at each other to make you feel better about yourself is something else entirely. It’s very easy to withdraw your support. Switch channels, don’t click the link, or better yet, just turn it off. Go outdoors. There are many genuinely fascinating things to enjoy on your planet.
4. Clean Up After Yourself in Public Places.
Your mother is grimacing, and the place is a wreck. Are you proud of yourself? Is it really too much trouble to use your napkin to wipe up the crumbs you dropped on the restaurant table? Is it really that hard to put your popcorn container in the trashcan when you leave the theater? It’s on the way out for god’s sake. Yes, people are paid to clean, but would it kill you to take just a little responsibility? If you drop something in a public place, pick it up. It is, after all, your mess. Be a Boyscout, and leave no trace.
5. Stop Watching Yourself In the Mirror When You Exercise.
It’s completely fine to check your form occasionally. It’s needed even, but if you are watching yourself and craning your neck to do so, everyone knows you’re thinking about how good you look. Heads up, you still have work to do, and now everyone thinks you’re a narcissistic @$$. Too much admiring; not enough sweating. Get over yourself and get busy.
As always, thank you for your attention to these matters. Your cooperation helps to make the world a more pleasant place for all.