March Public Service Announcements from the Universe

Dear People of the World,

I come to you again making public service announcements for the month of March. Once again, these matters are of import as they impact the citizens around you. As always, I make every effort to act in the best interest of the public at large. So please take heed and address these matters in your own life should they apply to you. The general health and well-being of your world is at stake, and your life may be as well if you anger enough of those around you with these socially inappropriate behaviors.

1. When passing through a public place, do not play music at a level that causes everyone to notice your approach.
While I am quite certain you love the song, not everyone around you wants to hear it. As a matter of fact, even if they love the song, they are rolling their eyes – if only in their minds. Despite what movies have lead you to believe, you are not entitled to a soundtrack. You are really just not that great, so put your headphones back on and keep it to yourself.

2. Stop spamming.
It is literally electronic litter and is polluting cyberspace. No one is clicking your stupid product comments because site owners do not even let them get onto their sites. Stop wasting your time and everyone else’s. Mulberry, Burberry, Monclear, and Beats by Dr. Dre, you are all giant brands. One would think you might know by now that a specific group in a very specific city of an especially specific country is posting hundreds of thousands of spam comments bearing your name and products on various sites around the world. I assure you those receiving these comments will never purchase your products no matter how quality they may be. They are annoyed.

3. If you see a parent or pet owner taking corrective action with a misbehaving child or animal, do not make exasperated comments or sounds.
These individuals care enough about the world around them (and you!) to intervene, correct bad behavior, and teach appropriate social skills. Because of their efforts, their children and pets may actually grow up to be good citizens. Your sighs and ‘Mmmmmm’s are only aggravating the situation. Now, if you witness bad behavior and no corrective action is being taken, please feel free to make all the exasperated noises you want.

4. If a traffic light turns green, do not immediately blow your horn.
If your car cannot be in motion from a full stop before you sound the horn, you are being an @$$. Your hazard lights are not on, so you are obviously not headed to a life-or-death emergency. It is not that important. Get over yourself. You may blow your horn only after 10 ‘Mississippi’s.

5. Stop acting like you are the center of the universe.
Though admittedly I quite often do not know where my own center is, I assure you that you are not it. I actually spend a great deal of time changing, morphing, and exploring myself in hopes of becoming more aware, enlightened, and centered. You should give it a try. Knowing yourself is rather important for a being bound by time. You need that knowledge in order to have a good life. Heads up, it can only be achieved through introspection and self-reflection, and it does not occur overnight.

Once again, I thank you for your attention to these matters. As it is spring and I am cleaning house, your cooperation is most appreciated.

Very Truly Yours, The Universe

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